September 30, 2016 So I asked my campaign chairman, Steve Bannon, Grand Wizard of the Alt-Right, why my poll numbers were going down despite my spectacular debate performance. “They are
Month: September 2016
September 29, 2016 Following my triumph in Monday’s debate, here is Baby DonDon’s plan for victory: My aides will always say I won the debate. They’re already saying I won
September 27, 2016 Did you enjoy my live-schlonging of the debate on Facebook? No one in the building was supposed to have a cell phone, but I snuck one in.
Oh, This is Terrible
September 26, 2016 Oh no, they just told Baby DonDon that Lester Holt’s two maternal grandparents were Jamaican. I just thought his orange tanning spray had gone a little brown
September 26, 2016 Yesterday Kellyanne Conway called me the Babe Ruth of debaters, but I want to lower expectations. John Oliver was less charitable, calling me “America’s wealthiest hemorrhoid,” which
Preparation H (for Hillary)
September 25, 2016 Just 35 hours to go before you see Baby DonDon demolish Crooked Hillary in the first debate. Get ready for a major schlonging, a 9.6 on the
Not a Single One? That’s Not Posssible!
September 24, 2016 Another day, another outrage. There is only so much a trigger-happy manboy can handle. So today, the freakin’ Wall Street Journal, lovingly read by greedy, grasping Republicans
Charity Begins with Baby DonDon
September 23, 2016 Go, Omarosa, go. The great woman, an African-American, just said that, after I am elected, all my critics will “bow down” to “the most powerful man in
There’s a Bridge I’d Like to Sell You
September 22, 2016 Oh, Baby DonDon’s head is spinning and hair is getting weird. Following the good news of the terror attacks, we’ve got terrible news from the Bridgegate trial
September 21, 2016 What a week it has been for everyone, especially Baby DonDon. And, really, what else matters? MY LIFE MATTERS. Did I predict the terror attacks? You know
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