January 31, 2017 I guess you’ve heard that James “Mad Dog” Mattis is upset with our immigration ban and about not really being consulted about it beforehand. Now he is
Month: January 2017
First Journalist Kill
January 30, 2017 It is with great pride and humility—ah, screw the humility—that I announce my latest executive order making fact-checking a capital crime. When people fact-check a president, this
Doc, I Need Help
January 29, 2017 So I went to see my personal physician, Dr. Harold “I Can’t Believe They Legalized It” Bornstein. Hello, Mr. President, I think you grew again. You’re looking
Speling Is So Important
January 27, 2017 So in a press release some idiot at my White House misspelled the name of the British Prime Minister I am meeting today as “Teresa” May. So
January 27, 2017 Props to Steve Bannon for going full Vladdy in a phone call with the New York Times. Steve called the media the “opposition party,” which is not
Trump, the Methadone Man
Tr January 25, 2017 Journalists, the lowest of the low, are a bunch of asshat truth nerds. They carry on like addicts constantly in need of a truth fix. Well,
You All Lie! You Big Bunch of Babies!
January 22, 2017 People are saying my Inauguration crowd was as small as my hands. They lie! Especially the media. At the CIA yesterday, I said that journalists are “the
This Job Sucks!
January 20, 2017 (supposed to be greatest day ever but is looking like a classic fartstorm) Oh, the outrage!! The horror!! The ingratitude!! So I take the freakin’ oath and,
January 19, 2017 Health experts now believe that when I am sworn in tomorrow, 84% of American over the age of 12, including Chief Justice John Roberts, will be drunk.
Democracy, My Way
January 19, 2017 So I wake up today, the day before His Exalted Super Baby DonDon becomes your supreme and beloved leader for life, to read this drivel from Nick
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