December 31, 2017 Well, it’s the last day of the year and my balls are getting ready to drop. 2017 was an incredible year for our country, our world, our
Month: December 2017
I Am Not a Robot!
December 30, 2017 So yesterday this idiot at Disney World started chanting “Lock him up” at my robot in the Hall of Presidents. How rude to remind me in this
Thank God for Me!
December 29, 2017 So yesterday the failing New York Times called and said, “Oh, please Your Wonderfulness, Your Fabulosity, You Winner of Club Golfing Championships, we are one day away
Have Cake. Eat It, Too.
December 26, 2017 Even Vanity Unfair is saying today that my chances of finishing 2018 in office are incredibly high. There is no getting rid of me, people! Yet. But
Paper Towels for Everyone!
December 24, 2017 Can you believe that someone sent Steve “The Douche” Mnuchin a gift-wrapped box of horse manure for Christmas? Talk about the war against Christmas! Speaking of that,
Ban the Words!!
December 17, 2017 You probably saw that I told the CDC that it could no longer use the words “fetus,” “transgender” and “science-based,” as well as four other terms. Cool,
December 13, 2017 I am so mad at Senator Kirsten “Kneepads” Gillibrand for stirring up this phony cuntroversy. I refer her to the famous author, George Bernie Shore, who said
I Was Right! (I Was?)
December 13, 2017 First, I backed Big Luther in the primary—and he lost. Then I backed Roy Moore in the general election—and he lost, too. You be nice to Super
Today Is the Day!!
December 12, 2017 The title I am most proud of is president of Social Conservatives United for Molesters, BadBoys, Asshats and Gaybashers (SCUMBAG). If you are an Alabamahoovian, we need
My New Organization
December 8, 2017 I am so proud to have been named president of Social Conservatives United for Molesters, BadBoys, Asshats and Gaybashers (SCUMBAG). The first candidate we’re backing is Roy
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