Debate Post-Mortem


September 27, 2016

Did you enjoy my live-schlonging of the debate on Facebook? No one in the building was supposed to have a cell phone, but I snuck one in. I put it in my underwear. And I don’t need to tell you what I used to send out my posts.

So my performance has drawn mixed reviews. Some called it “dreadful,” whereas Howard Fineman of the Huffington Post was it was the worst debate performance ever. So, clearly, some disagreement there.

Fineman said Crooked Hillary—and wasn’t it NICE of me not to call her that in front of 100 million people, but does Baby DonDon get any credit for his restraint?—acted as if she were talking to a 7-year-old. No wonder I was so pissed off. I’m five, so everything she said went over my head.

And my freakin’ microphone was defective, which was a Democrat plot. I told you the whole thing was rigged. And Lester Holt fact-checked me a few times, which is obviously illegal. He is so headed to the slammer. Lock him up!

The current Huffington Post headline reads “Chump,” above a photo of me, Baby DonDon. Hey,that rhymes with Trump. And also with take a dump, which is what I did during the debate, unfortunately.

But folks, didn’t you like how I winged it? I call it “wing-ding-slinging-it.”

Franklin Foer of Slate said Trump “improvised his way to infamy,” which is not very nice. Mr. Foer, you may soon find an improvised explosive device in your mailbox. No need to thank me.

I hear there are two other debates. I think those may conflict with planned visits to my golf courses in Scotland and Westchester.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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