September 27, 2016
Did you enjoy my live-schlonging of the debate on Facebook? No one in the building was supposed to have a cell phone, but I snuck one in. I put it in my underwear. And I don’t need to tell you what I used to send out my posts.
So my performance has drawn mixed reviews. Some called it “dreadful,” whereas Howard Fineman of the Huffington Post was it was the worst debate performance ever. So, clearly, some disagreement there.
Fineman said Crooked Hillary—and wasn’t it NICE of me not to call her that in front of 100 million people, but does Baby DonDon get any credit for his restraint?—acted as if she were talking to a 7-year-old. No wonder I was so pissed off. I’m five, so everything she said went over my head.
And my freakin’ microphone was defective, which was a Democrat plot. I told you the whole thing was rigged. And Lester Holt fact-checked me a few times, which is obviously illegal. He is so headed to the slammer. Lock him up!
The current Huffington Post headline reads “Chump,” above a photo of me, Baby DonDon. Hey,that rhymes with Trump. And also with take a dump, which is what I did during the debate, unfortunately.
But folks, didn’t you like how I winged it? I call it “wing-ding-slinging-it.”
Franklin Foer of Slate said Trump “improvised his way to infamy,” which is not very nice. Mr. Foer, you may soon find an improvised explosive device in your mailbox. No need to thank me.
I hear there are two other debates. I think those may conflict with planned visits to my golf courses in Scotland and Westchester.