March 11, 2018
To clarify, people, to clarify: Michael Cohen, my lawyer and body man, carried the $130,000 in a wheelbarrow from the living to the bedroom, where it was given to Stormy Daniels, a naked woman I’ve never heard of. I do remember the wheelbarrow, however.
This is why we keep going for injunctions against Stormy Daniels, who has very ample breasts that I’ve never seen. We’re afraid she has photos of the wheelbarrow, which is Super Baby DonDon’s favorite toy (not counting Stormy Daniels).
Super Baby DonDon loves his wheelbarrow.
The charges Cohen pleaded guilty to:
Charges brought by the Southern District:
- Count 1-5: Evasion of assessment of income tax liability for pleading guilty to failing to report more than $4 million in income from 2012 through 2016.
- Counts 6: False statements to a bank for Cohen pleading guilty to understating debt from his taxi medallion business in the process of applying for a home equity line of credit with a bank.
- Count 7: Causing an unlawful corporation contribution for when he pleaded guilty to orchestrating a payment made by American Media to Karen McDougal for her “limited life story”, an allegation that she had an affair with Donald Trump.
- Count 8: Excessive campaign contribution for when he pleaded guilty to making an excessive political contribution when he paid adult film actress Stephanie Clifford aka Stormy Daniels $130,000 for her story and silence about Clifford’s alleged affair with Donald Trump.
Charge brought by Robert Mueller
- Count 1: False statements to Congress for when Cohen pleaded guilty to making false statements to Congress on Aug. 28, 2017, when he sent a two-page letter to the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence and the House of Representatives Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence as well as during testimony before Congress.