Not a Single One? That’s Not Posssible!


September 24, 2016

Another day, another outrage. There is only so much a trigger-happy manboy can handle. So today, the freakin’ Wall Street Journal, lovingly read by greedy, grasping Republicans daily, reports in its lead story that not a single Fortune 100 CEO is contributing to Trump.

Not one? But they’re almost all Republicans! And I’m a Republican. No, scratch that. I am THE Republican.

Okay, losers, here’s the deal. When I got elected, I will fire all of you. And I will run your companies. And I will make great deals. I figure that at $20 million per head my total compensation will come to $2 billion a year, plus $400K for being president and $50 million for holding government events at Trump properties. When I make that much, even Lawrence O’Donnell of MSNBC and dogface Gail Collins of the New York Times, who once called me a “thousandaire,” and Tim O’Brien, whom I sued over his disgusting attack on my net worth, will have to recognize I am a billionaire.

Me! Baby DonDon! A billionaire!

Oh, I’m supposed to be one already? Never mind.

All this reminds me of an unidentified Trump employee who told Fortune, where these idiot CEOs hang out, that my problem is that I don’t know what I don’t know. Hey, pal, screw you, you ignorant fartbag. You don’t know what you don’t know and you don’t know what you DO know. How do you like that, you coward, hiding behind your anonymousness like a sniveling nameless, faceless, mystery asshat?

So there.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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