You All Lie! You Big Bunch of Babies!

January 22, 2017

People are saying my Inauguration crowd was as small as my hands. They lie! Especially the media. At the CIA yesterday, I said that journalists are “the most dishonest human beings on Earth.”

And who would know better than me?

So after the New York Times ran side by side photos of my Inauguration crowd and Barack Obama’s 2009 larger sea of very dark faces at his unfortunate swearing-in, I sent Sean Spicer out to lie his ass off and tell people they hadn’t seen what they had seen.

Unfortunately, Sean, who was wearing an ill-fitting jacket he probably got at Goodwill, lied off some other body parts.

This morning, the lovely and vicious Kellyanne Conway told Chuck “Really, I’m Not That Much of an Asshole” Todd that Sean was merely spouting “alternative facts.” And, trust me, we’ve got a lot more alternative facts where those came from. Good one, Kellyanne, you are truly hardcore.

Now, about this photo accompanying this piece: the nasty asshat in the diaper was making fun of Super Baby DonDon yesterday! He said I was a big baby. Me, a baby? I have the schlong of a 90-year-old man, how can I be a baby? Luckily, the diapered weasel was at the pathetic New York march which drew like seven people, half of them transgender. He has been seized by my followers and is being held for questioning on the East Side of Manhattan. His testicles are being held for questioning on the West Side of Manhattan. Any of you other guys want to go out in public wearing a diaper and making fun of me, the man Sean Spicer is already calling “the greatest president ever”?

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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