Full Putin

January 27, 2017

Props to Steve Bannon for going full Vladdy in a phone call with the New York Times. Steve called the media the “opposition party,” which is not only true but, under a new executive order I am about to sign, means I can send journalists to Gitmo whenever I want. A second executive order will compel the Times, the Washington Post and other liberal papers to post the words “Alternative Facts” at the top of their articles.

Steve also said the “humiliated” mainstream media should “keep its mouth shut and just listen for a while.” Great idea. Hush up and you won’t get sent to Gitmo. But:

Call me a con man, call me a liar/And I’ll set your freakin’ house on fire!

That’s in case you had any doubts I could act presidential.

So you heard that His Exalted Super Baby DonDon will build the wall to keep Mexico out of Pennsylvania? Damn straight. I will serve as general contractor, which means I will skim 25% of the profits. American workers will build the wall! This will create good jobs and we will pay the workers 37 cents on the dollar because I am the negotiator! (And because of my profit-sharing deal.)

Then we will cook the books so it looks like Mexico paid for the wall. I have done this before and I can do it again. You were so smart to choose a businessman as your president.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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