December 29, 2017
So yesterday the failing New York Times called and said, “Oh, please Your Wonderfulness, Your Fabulosity, You Winner of Club Golfing Championships, we are one day away from oblivion, would you please in your infinite lovingkindness grant us an interview before we become roadkill?”
Being an amazingly glorious person, I did. They asked if I had hurt myself playing golf and I said 16 times, “There is no contusion! There is no contusion!”
They asked if I understood what was in my fabulous tax bill and I said 16 times, “There is no confusion! There is no confusion!”
Then they said they would put in the paper 16 times that there was no collusion with Russia as long as I picked up lunch because they had no money for food.