March 7, 2017
Oh my God, they hate Trumpcare!! Like, everybody hates it.
First things first, I had nothing to do with it. It’s not my fault. I blame everybody else.
Them. Not me. Just so we’re clear.
Which means: It’s time for another distraction! Like another lie.
Super Baby DonDon is the big enchilada, the veritable taco bowl, of lies and now I’m going to ask you to help me tell the next one about Barack Obama so people will stop talking about Trumpcare.
First, I birthered him. That was so great. Then, on Saturday, I said he was a “sick” felon because he had illegally wiretapped me during the campaign. Good one, Super Baby DonDon, good one.
Well, it’s time to think about my third big Obama lie. This is tricky because, as I know so well, when you make stuff up there are no limits on what you can say. So many choices, so little time.
But here are the finalists right now. Should I say that Obama:
a) Likes to swap clothes with Michelle
b) Has bet $2 million he can run me out of office before the end of the year
c) Has an extraordinarily intimate relationship with two sheep named Suzy and Melvin
d) Is a lizard person intent on world domination (hat tip to Alex Jones of InfoWars on this one)
e) Had one of the “cleanest” administrations in American history only because he murdered 36 investigators who had the goods on him (they are buried beneath Michelle Obama’s disgusting health food garden at the White House)
f) Spied on every foreign leader he ever met and has a collection of nude photos of all of them (yes, Angela Merkel, this means you–hypothetically)
g) Worships Satan
h) Was responsible for Trumpcare
I need your help on this one, folks. Vote early and vote often—and please send me your Obama lie ideas!!