New and Improved

August 1, 2017

Did you see Eugene Robinson’s column titled “Ivanka Trump is part of the problem” in today’s Amazon Washington Post? The Kenyan Muslim turdshuffler was really nasty.

I tweeted, “You’re a dead man, Robinson.” Then my new chief of staff, John Kelly, came into the Oval and said we needed more discipline. He said you can’t threaten to kill someone unless you specify how you’re going to do it. So I tweeted, “Robinson, I’m going to slice off your nuts and your schlong, cook them and then feed them to you until you choke to death.”

“Much better,” Kelly said.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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