Hey, Pope, How’s It Hanging?

May 25, 2017

Meeting the pope was such an honor—for him. I bowled him over and want you to know how I did it.

Here are some excerpts from our talk:

So, Pope Francis, can I call you Frank?

Unintelligible gibberish.

How’s it hanging?

Unintelligible gibberish.

Counsel any young boys recently?

Affronted unintelligible gibberish.

Have you ever met anyone like Super BabyDonDon?

Good God, no.

I’ve heard what you’ve said about love, that loves starts in the home. Well, let me tell you, I look in the mirror and I feel the love. And for the luscious Ivanka, too. And maybe for Jared, if he’s not indicted. And my boys Uday and Qusay. And my daughter whose named after a jewelry store. Harry Winston?

And love for the American people.

Well, love for some of them. My base, my voters. Still hate the Hillary voters. May try to exterminate them. The Negotiator is going to become The Exterminator. What do you think of that, Frank?

Don’t you have to catch a plane for Brussels?

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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