Probing Jared

May 26, 2017

In a preview of what could happen to him in prison, Jared is being probed by the FBI. What really sucks is that by the time he’s convicted, I’ll probably be out of my job so I won’t be able to pardon him.

That’s why Super BabyDonDon, the three-dimensional chess master, is creating the new, revolutionary pre-pardon to cover everyone I like, as well as anyone who could rat me out. I am also announcing a self-pre-pardon for me.

Squishy liberals will bitch and moan that this is an attempt to do an end-run around our system of justice. Hey, it’s not an “attempt.” It’s a done deal.

So the New York Times and ProPublica did a piece earlier this week about Jared being a vicious slumlord who terrorizes and sues his tenants to make every last dime. Hey, why do you think I hired the boy?  I high-fived him when the story came out.

“And do you pay your contractors?” I said.

“Only the ones who sue me.”

How can you put such a soul in prison?

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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