You Don’t Ever Want to See Me Really Mad

BuildaWallTrump mur

August 22, 2016

I am so mad at the hosts of Morning Joe, Joe “Benedict Arnold” Scarborough and Mika “Zika” Brzezinski, and today the pimple just exploded. Zika Mika said I was shriller than Crooked Hillary and that on Saturday in Fredericksburg, VA, I sounded as if I’d “had a lot to drink.”

I just want to scream. She knows I never drink, the witch. Well, I disemboweled them with some vicious tweets. And I outed them as an item, which is why I think Zika Mika recently got divorced.

Do you want to know what is making Baby DonDon so mad he feels like throwing rocks at children in playpens the way I used to do when I was young? For almost a year, Joe and Mika sucked up to me like crazy and they were so proud that they took my campaign seriously before a lot of the other turdswaddlers in the media. And they’re still proud—proud, proud, proud—only now they’re dumping on me like a like I’m a terrorist.

For a year I did nothing but goose their ratings and now they call me a racist and a loser. They are not showing me the thing I value most—and that’s loyalty. Instead, they are showing me the thing I value least—and that’s honesty. Well, I’ll tell you where they can stick their honesty.

The good thing about the fact that they’re always together is that I can take them out with one nuke instead of two. At this stage of the campaign, I have to conserve my resources. Or better yet, maybe they should get an agonizingly slow death, like in that famous short story I was once supposed to read for school. You know, lure them to a place and then build a wall that seals them in so they eventually suffocate or starve to death, whichever comes first.

And then for weeks MSNBC, a network that should also die a slow death, that I can tell you, will be asking, “Did Joe and Mika come in today? Did anyone see Joe and Mika?”

And the answer will be NO!!!!!!!!!!!

Always NO!!!!!!!!

Walls are nice.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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