Can You Find the Horse’s Ass in This Photo?

FILE - In this file photo taken on Monday, Aug. 3, 2009, then Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin seen riding a horse while traveling in the mountains of the Siberian Tyva region (also referred to as Tuva),  Russia, during his short vacation.  Putin has become alternately notorious and beloved for an array of adventurous stunts, including posing with a tiger cub and riding a horse bare-chested. (AP Photo/RIA Novosti, Alexei Druzhinin, POOL, File)

August 22, 2016

Exciting news, folks, exciting news. In two weeks I will start my topless Strength and Stamina tour and I may be galloping to a town near you. (I just need a few weeks to work on my man boobs. They’re drooping because I’ve had no time to play golf.)

I challenge Crooked Hillary Clinton to do a similar topless tour! She won’t because she’s all hat and no cattle and because, according to Rudy Giuliani and other smart people, she is mentally ill. Given Rudy’s performance at my convention, could you find a better authority on the subject?

If you point out the bad guys in your town, I will chase them away. Think Gary Cooper in High Noon. I alone can fix your bad guys.

With a hat tip to Vlad the Bad for inspiring me, I want to say this about my confidence in the American people: my horse and I could trample little children on Fifth Avenue and my supporters would say, “My, he tramples well.” They are so passionate.

Folks, I may go topless, but my audacity and my concern for little, insignificant people like you remain bottomless.

Yippee ki-yay.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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