August 22, 2016
Exciting news, folks, exciting news. In two weeks I will start my topless Strength and Stamina tour and I may be galloping to a town near you. (I just need a few weeks to work on my man boobs. They’re drooping because I’ve had no time to play golf.)
I challenge Crooked Hillary Clinton to do a similar topless tour! She won’t because she’s all hat and no cattle and because, according to Rudy Giuliani and other smart people, she is mentally ill. Given Rudy’s performance at my convention, could you find a better authority on the subject?
If you point out the bad guys in your town, I will chase them away. Think Gary Cooper in High Noon. I alone can fix your bad guys.
With a hat tip to Vlad the Bad for inspiring me, I want to say this about my confidence in the American people: my horse and I could trample little children on Fifth Avenue and my supporters would say, “My, he tramples well.” They are so passionate.
Folks, I may go topless, but my audacity and my concern for little, insignificant people like you remain bottomless.