Why I Leaked My Taxes


October 2, 2016

Yeah, crazy like a fox.

Baby DonDon is so smart. I had my team leak my own taxes and now we will all blame Hillary and the mainstream media. This is going to totally mess them up. They’re celebrating now, but they know not what they do.

They’re thinking, oh, we got to see Baby DonDon’s taxes, that’s so great that even stupid white people will start supporting us. WRONG!

Everyone knows I took huge losses in the early 90s. There’s no news here. And I will explain slowly—very slowly—to the American people you can carry forward losses to offset income.

And I will bring up at each debate and every freakin’ rally that evil Hillary stole my taxes and leaked them. And, what’s even greater, this will keep people from talking about that former pageant winner, Miss Lardass, who was eating into my support.

If you needed proof that Baby DonDon was smart—hey, I went to Wharton and was savvy enough to get the New York Times to say I was first in my class even though I wasn’t—this leak of my own taxes is the final proof.

You da man, Baby DonDon, you da man. And if Shrillary says, “Oh, Baby DonDon, what we really need to see are your recent tax returns,” I’ll just say, “Why don’t you leak those too?”

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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