Do You Have STAMINA? In Capital Letters?


3DDonald Trump 2 sm

October 4, 2016

 Well, the day has finally arrived for the Mike “Could You Repeat the Question” Pence/Tim Kaine debate. I will be live-blogging during the event, desperately trying to keep you awake. Put a bowl of caffeine pills next to the popcorn. Please.

Baby DonDon continues to break new ground. Did you see me call Crooked Hillary “crazy” Saturday night? And I said she probably cheated on Bill. The cherry on top was when I imitated her knee-buckling waddle as she left the 9/11 event. Only I am man enough to go there—me, Baby DonDon!

Kellyanne Conway took me aside and said there were 3 million U.S. cases of pneumonia each year and maybe I shouldn’t alienate this group, especially since many are seniors who like to vote. “Kellyanne, these people get pneumonia because they are weak. They don’t have STAMINA. Baby DonDon has STAMINA. Baby DonDon never gets sick. I never even get the sniffles.”

Kellyanne rolled her eyes in appreciation and walked away.

Why does Baby DonDon attack the weak, the sick, the fat and the disabled? First, it’s fun. Second, it makes my supporters feel good by having people to look down on.

I learned this approach from my two mentors, my father and Roy Cohn. My father used to tell my pilot brother Fred that flying a plane was like being a bus driver. This upset Fred and he drank himself to death. He was weak. My father was strong.

(Not that there’s anything wrong with being a weak bus driver. We need bus drivers. Well, I don’t, but people like you probably do.)

Roy “The Scumbag” Cohn was also very strong. When Roy entered a room, many grown men would cry. Others would run away. Was that great or what? Roy could abuse people for four hours without taking a breath. He had great STAMINA. Vlad Putin has great STAMINA.

Show strength whenever you can. My son-in-law Jared, Ivanka’s husband, still calls me Mr. Trump. (It’s true.) I’ll change that soon. I’ll let him call me Mr. President.

Strength. Stamina. Strongness. Vigorishness. Potentosity. All important, so important.

I have enough STAMINA to be president for 16 years. And, with your help, I will be. No term limits for Baby DonDon!

I hope Mike “Could You Repeat the Question Slowly” Pence does well tonight. Do your part by voting early and often in the bogus online polls following the event.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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