The Never Mindski Presidency


April 13, 2017

Super Baby DonDon’s favorite TV show? Flip or Flop. Sometimes I flip, sometimes I flop, but I almost always flip-flop. As my Russian friends would say, mine is the Never Mindski presidency.

And now a poem:

If I said it

Forget it

By the end of my presidency—which could come in a year or a month—I will have set a record by contradicting everything I said during the campaign. No other president has ever had the guts to do that. But Super Baby DonDon is not like any other president. I am strong enough to admit I was completely full of shit during the campaign.

In just the last two days, I have reversed myself on six key positions! The Chinese are not currency manipulators. Low interest rates are good, not bad. NATO is not obsolete. I might reappoint Janet Yellen as head of the Fed. I like the Export-Import Bank, although in a show of strength I will rename it the Import-Export Bank. And there’s no freakin’ way I’m going to balance the budget.

I can’t believe I said so many stupid things during the campaign. But people bought it. Amazing.

All this has taught me one thing above all: if my base thinks something is a good idea it almost definitely isn’t. To them I say a very big and very fond Never Mindski.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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