Now You See Him, Now You Won’t

April 15, 2017

Folks, this was a tough call. On the one hand, Sean Spicer and I were grateful that Carter Page was named the Most Annoying Person in America. Spicey and I were tired of sharing the honor week after week. But Carter Page is so weird—I mean, half the time he seems to be confessing during his interviews—that we couldn’t just let him keep talking. He could say ANYTHING!

So, following my incredible, courageous, dick-waving success bombing Syria and dropping the Big Mother on Afghanistan, I decided to use some ordnance on Carter Page. Simply stated, he won’t be bothering you anymore. More to the point, he won’t be bothering Super Baby DonDon anymore.

I sent Carter’s family some flowers, a taco bowl and a sincere Sorry I Offed Your Relative card, but the family denied knowing who Carter Page was.


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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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