The Endgame

July 12, 2017

So yesterday Mike Pence’s office issued a statement that the vice president is “not focused on stories about the campaign, particularly stories about the time before he joined the ticket.” He also said: “Don Jr.? Who’s Don Jr.? You mean Don Knotts, Jr.? Don Ho, Jr.? Don Corleone, Jr.? What are you talking about?”

Clearly, he’s trying to distance himself from the disaster that my administration is turning into.

Super Baby DonDon understands. He’s considering the endgame here. Well, so am I. I know there’s a President Pence in our future. (No need to thank me.) In exchange for my not spilling the beans on him, I ask for only two things when I prematurely exit the Oval. A complete pardon for all my past, present and future crimes and my appointment as ambassador to Russia.

I love Russia! When my regime is done, they will hate me in America but they will love me in Russia! I’ll get a Kim Philby kind of welcome, with hot and cold running hookers, when I arrive.

Like a freakin’ cat, I will land on my feet. Just you watch.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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