That $150,000


July 27, 2016

So last night, a man Baby DonDon respects, Democratic Congressman and noted gasbag Joseph Crowley, said at the convention that after 9/11 I had “cashed in, collecting $150,000 in federal funds intended to help small businesses recover—even though the day after the attack Trump said his properties were not affected.”

PolitiFact points out today that my building at 40 Wall Street was eligible for the funds and that the money was given to businesses that suffered physical damage and/or economic loss.

Until now, I have never tweeted or spoken about this because of modesty. But now I want to give a full accounting of where the $150,000 went.

We used $10,000 to purchase cattle, which were eventually turned into delicious Trump Steaks. We traded $5,000 for magic beans, which, when planted, produced luxuriant fields of grass to feed the cattle and their beautiful offspring, all of whom received pre-school education at a cost of $15,000.

We “gave back” by establishing the world’s most beautiful homeless shelter in the Trump Tower lobby and the world’s most fantastic soup kitchen at Jean-Georges, the top-rated restaurant in our Trump International Hotel & Tower on Central Park West. Total cost: $20,000. The soup kitchen became the first in the nation to serve the restaurant’s famous garlic soup with frog legs for dipping. We then bused the homeless to my properties where rent-controlled stragglers still lived.

We invested the remaining $100,000 in upgrades to 40 Wall Street and equity positions in several real estate developments. That $100,000 has grown to be worth approximately $100 million. The investments throw off significant income on which I am, theoretically, taxed.

So there.


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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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