Some Pints for Reince?


November 13, 2016

Christ, Baby DonDon just wants to go play golf and grab some stranger’s pussy, but, no, my team and family say I have to focus on transition crap. Good grief, why did I ask for this job?

So we just leaked to the Wall Street Journal that I’ll probably pick Reince Priebus as my chief of staff.

Excited, huh?

Why this dweeb? First, he’s my bitch, which is always nice. Second, he went to the Whitewater campus of the University of Wisconsin, so I will call him Whitewater, which should piss off the Clintons no end. Third, he’s so white-bread that just looking at him can put people to sleep, so they’ll look at this life insurance salesman dude and underestimate my attempts to destroy the country.

Why didn’t I pick Steve Bannon? Folks, Steve is a first-rate bigot and anti-Semite, but Baby DonDon didn’t want to get out-bigoted by his chief of staff. I want to keep a nice steady stream of white supremacy coming from the White House (really, doesn’t the name give away the whole ballgame?) to please my base, but if my top staff guy is ranting about “coons” and “beaners” all day what will I have to do to be heard?

But, Baby DonDon, Reince is a Paul Ryan ally. What will you do about that, Baby DonDon? As my recently torpedoed transition guy Chris Christie might say, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Finally, we’ve whispered to people that Corey “Slugger” Lewandowski might be the next chairman of the RNC and that Sarah Palin could become Secretary of the Interior. WTF??? Yes, the world has gone mad.

Welcome to my world.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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