September 26, 2017

So Crooked Hillary is calling us out for personal email hypocrisy. Well, if she’s right, why is her first name Crooked?

Even Ivanka used her private email account for government business. So I went into Ivanka’s office last night and she was naked. Wow!

“Why no clothes, honey bunch? Did you need to get something off your chests?”

“I’m waiting for a conjugal visit from Jared. There may be conjugal visits in my future.”

“No, I’ll pardon Jared. And you.”

“But you can’t pardon us for New York state crimes. You always told me that crime pays, but you may be wrong about that, Daddy. It would really suck if you’re wrong. Jared thinks you’re going to do jail. He says you’ll have a lot more sex in jail than you do now.”

“More than I have with Resting Bitch Face?”

“I saw her smile the other day.”

“She smiled? She never smiles. What was she smiling about?”

“Jared told her you’re going to jail. But he said you could always have conjugal visits.”

“’Like that’ll happen,’” Melania said. ‘I’ll outsource sex to the other inmates.’ And she smiled.”

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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