December 27, 2016
Check out this cool picture of indicted pharma-bro Martin Shkreli wearing a Pepe the Frog alt-right racist lapel pin while being interviewed on Bloomberg this week. “Now that’s a set of stones,” said my pal Roger Stone.
Stones yes, but even Don Jr., a human with absolutely no scruples, thought it was kind of nasty for Shkreli to wear it.
“But, scruples-less output of my loins Don Jr., you forwarded the Pepe the Frog meme to your followers and said you didn’t know what it meant.”
“But, Dad, I was lying.”
“Oh, good one, son. I should have known.”
Speaking of that, I want to help you cope with the new reality you’ll face after January 20th. No, I won’t be writing prescriptions for Thorazine, Instead, I’m starting a new feature called New Lies. Otherwise it might be hard for you to tell the old lies—“I opposed the Iraq War from the beginning”—from the new ones. Yesterday, via Twitter, I said that every cent given to the Donald J. Trump Foundation goes to charity. This isn’t even remotely true. I’ve used funds to buy huge portraits of myself and to settle legal disputes.
I promise to feature at least 10 entirely new lies in my Inaugural Address. You’ll have to see it to believe it.
Or not believe it.
Whatever. Either way, you’re screwed.