My Dream Super Power


December 5, 2016

You now know me as Super Baby DonDon but, just between us, I really know I’m not a superhero. Except in my dreams.

And did I have a doozy last night. I dreamt I could say anything and do anything without being criticized. I dreamt I could just absolutely make stuff up and everyone would believe me. It was so beautiful. In my dream I was . . . CAPTAIN BULLSHIT!

In the dream, being able to bullshit was the ultimate super power. I told Superman he was a weakling and then flicked him across the room with my finger. I told the Flash he was slow as molasses and then he started to move like me trying to pick up a check. I went up to Wonder Woman and grabbed her pussy and she said, “Oh, it’s you, Captain Bullshit. Whatever you say goes.”

Yeah, baby!

So then I woke up and made Ben “Who Ordered the Fruit Salad?” Carson secretary of Housing and Urban Development.

Folks, I gotta make up some new hats. It is time to Make Bullshit Great Again.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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