Loco Like a Fox


September 1, 2016

Can this Baby DonDon pivot? And then pivot back? Sometimes I amaze myself.

I know you want the inside story of my meeting with Mexican President Pena Burrito. When we wee introduced, I said, “You can call me Mr. Trump and I’ll call you Sneaky Enrique.”

Yes! I won the first nickname round with a hit he never saw coming. Being presidential is just like fighting in the primaries.

So then he said Mexico would never pay for the wall. “You will, you bunghole,” i said.

Yes! And he did not insult me back. Go, Baby DonDon, go.

I said there hadn’t been a great male Mexican golfer since Lee Trevino. Sneaky Enrique didn’t know what to say. Baby DonDon wins again!

In Phoenix last night, I said Mexico would pay for the wall but that I never discussed the payment issue with His Sneakiness. Then Sneaky basically called me a liar.

Who has the nerve to call Baby DonDon a liar?

Oh, everyone? Still, it was really undiplomatic of him to call me a liar so soon after I lied. But I did establish an important point if we ever negotiate again. He knows I am willing to lie in public about anything he says. And that will freak him out and give me an edge.

Bottom line: My immigration policy is tough, vicious, compassionate, hard, soft and then hard again. It is whatever you want it to be. So come on white people, vote for Baby DonDon.


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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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