Is That a Fact?

April 20, 2014

September 9, 2016

Oh, Baby DonDon loves Facebook. I just love Facebook. Except today.

Facebook co-founder Dustin Moskovitz and his wife Cari Tuna have pledged $20 million to save America from Mr. Wonderful. Well, isn’t that special?

And how does Baby DonDon respond? Well, consider the interview I did with Larry King for Russian state-owned TV. That was my way of saying to Mr. Moskovitz and the rest of America, hey, meet my middle finger!

Baby DonDon takes no prisoners! He/I/We take no prisoners!!

In today’s New York End Times, Paul Krugman, alleged Nobel laureate, says I practice the “Big Liar” technique and that I seem to get away with it. Heh, heh.

I learned a long time ago that not only do people want to believe your lies, they need to believe your lies. PEOPLE DON’T WANT TO BELIEVE THEY’RE BEING LIED TO. It makes them feel stupid. So they twist themselves like a pretzel to make facts out of non-facts. Man, I love the uneducated.

For example: I’ve been telling people for many decades I was first in my class at Wharton. Once a few papers and magazines printed that, the rest printed the same thing too. When I discovered that Wharton didn’t release transcript information to journalists, I figured it would be stupid NOT to claim to be number one. Given that no information would ever be released by the school, the first person to claim to be number one would BE number one.

And what about the loser who really was number one? Tough break, Mr. Boy Scout, you wasted a lot of time studying. Welcome to the NFL.

People who researched me might wonder how a middling student at Fordham for two years suddenly blossomed into an Ivy League genius, but they couldn’t prove I was lying. And saying I was number one made their story juicier. My lies helped their careers.

Folks, if you don’t lie about your accomplishments, who will?

I’m proud to say my loved ones have learned from me. In a profile out yesterday, the Huffington Post noted my darling Ivanka had spent many years lying her lovely behind off about her grades at Penn. She claimed she graduated summa cum laude (3.8 or better) when she actually graduated cum laude (her GPA was 3.4). Penn blabbed to some nosy journalist who was dishonest enough to print the information. Nice try, honey. Keep up the good work.

My Melania’s website used to claim she obtained “a degree in design and architecture at University in Slovenia,” but we’ve taken that “information” down. We know how dishonest reporters can be. Melania may address this non-existent degree at that non-existent press conference I promised, where she’ll also discuss our lies about her immigration status. Hey, it should come along any month now. She’ll probably discuss my non-existent tax returns at the same event. Stay tuned, suckers.

The following two tabs change content below.
Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

Latest posts by Andrew Feinberg (see all)