I’m Better at Corruption than Crooked Hillary!


September 7, 2016

My people and I are so sick of reading about Crooked Hillary’s foundation emails. The emails keep going back and forth about access and meetings and introductions, but nothing much ever really seems to happen.

My conclusion: this is corruption at its most incompetent. It is so incompetent it may not even be corruption.

Despite Baby DonDon’s youthful appearance, I can confidently say I have been crooked a lot longer than Hillary has. And when I do corruption, you can see results, goddamn it! I am terrific at it. I am a grade A scambag.

Case in point, my illegal contribution to Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi’s re-election campaign. A newspaper wrote a story that Pam’s office was thinking of joining a suit against Trump University and four days later my foundation sent her a check for $25,000.

Like a good girl, Pam dropped the matter.

I did the same thing with then-Attorney General Greg Abbott in Texas. He let the matter die too. And now he’s governor of Texas, where a poll yesterday said I was losing by one point to Hillary which is insane. We’re talking about freakin’ Texas, where Democrats go to die. Come on, Abbott, get the troops out and win Texas for me. Let me know if I need to send another check.

As a follow-up to the Pam scam, I hosted a fund-raiser for her at Mar-a-Lago in 2014. I brought in Rudy Giuliani as a special guest and remember, this was two years before his very public and appalling nervous breakdown made him a pariah at such events. Pam was thrilled, and she paid me back by giving a nasty speech at my convention this summer.

Now, Pam, you should know, is one smart cookie and not just because she is a babe. Once you bribe her, she stays bribed. She’s old school that way. Old school like Trump University—which will be up and running again soon, that I can tell you.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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