I Soiled Myself with Pleasure

June 13, 2017

Wow. Yesterday I got buckets of unexpected praise on live TV from every member of the cabinet after I suggested they all dose me with unexpected praise. I soiled myself with pleasure right there on TV.

Reminded me of the joke where an old guy who is hard of hearing has an appointment with the doctor and brings his wife along. The doctor requests three different samples for lab tests. “What? What?” says the old guy. Says his wife helpfully—I wish my wife would say something helpfully—“He needs your underwear.”

Oh, spoiler alert.

This morning Joe Scarborough said it was “deeply un-American” for the cabinet members to pleasure me this way. Since when is praise un-American?

Hey, Joe, tell Mika I want to see her underwear.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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