June 24, 2017
So I lied when I warned Comey about the non-existent “tapes.” Sorry to shock you, my faithful followers. I just did that to mess with Comey—that choirboy asshat—and to make him look guilty. Oh, and to influence his testimony.
And now I’m hearing that’s a crime called witness tampering? Well, okay, I can explain. I lied when I said I was trying to influence his testimony. The previous paragraph is a lie.
So the two lies cancel each other out like a double negative and that means I’m innocent, right?
Glad we have that cleared up. Super Baby DonDon fans, I will never lie to you.
Oopsie. That last sentence was a lie. So now we’re okay again, right?
It’s a witch hunt!
Oh crap, I lied again. But I am man enough to admit it.
No, usually I don’t admit it. So that was another lie.
Oh, this self-fact-checking is murder! How do other professional liars keep track of all their lies? Maybe that will be my next mega-bestseller. Want it to be published while I’m still president. Better hurry, Super Baby DonDon, better hurry.
But, wait, I’m going to finish my term.
You lie, Baby DonDon, you lie!