This You Won’t Believe


June 25, 2017

And not just because I said it. Folks, folks, this is big. You know there’s a rumor that Justice Anthony Kennedy—and don’t you just hate all the Kennedys?—will announce his retirement tomorrow. If he does, I will nominate Antonin Scalia to take his place. That’s right, that Scalia.

Because Scalia is NOT DEAD!! Folks, I told Alex Jones that I thought Obama killed him, but the slimy Kenyan actually did something even more nefarious. He kidnapped him, drained his bodily fluids and replaced him with a lookalike dead Scalia. The lookalike is the one he actually killed. Folks, this may be the greatest conspiracy of all time and I alone can save you from it.

Merrick Garland and Jim Comey are in this up to their eyeballs! We will arrest them tomorrow. And Jeff Sessions is ready to announce murder and usurpation charges against this Obama weasel. This is the case old Jefferson Beauregard was born to bring!

Steve Bannon told me to do something—anything—to change the narrative and now we’ve got this. Folks, this is incredible, absolutely incredible.

Trust me, you can’t make this stuff up.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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