April 20, 2017
Today is Hitler’s birthday and the White House has received so many cards, you would have thought it was my birthday. Weird. Which reminds me: Monday is Holocaust Remembrance Day and I am determined not to screw this up. (Sorry, Jews, about the image of the pig above. No offense meant, really. I just think it’s a really flattering image of me.)
We are working very hard with Spicey to have him say the word Jew without snarling. And we are all going to say the word Jew a lot on Monday. No way the evil media are going to be able to say we forgot the Jews this time. We will not forget!
In fact, Jared and Ivanka are in charge of catering some amazing spreads at Holocaust centers throughout the country. We’re going to have 16 kinds of herring and lox-, herring- and whitefish-flavored ice cream. Hey, my main man Jared knows how to stuff a derma, that’s what I’ve heard.
But we will be ecumenical. The Religious Right will have banners at the centers pointing out that the Jews killed Jesus. And the Alt-Right will have banners noting that no one killed the Jews. All views are welcome in the Super Baby DonDon administration, and the less fact-based the better.
I’ve even told Steve Bannon to be nice to the Jews on Monday. He said, “Yeah, when pigs are kosher,” so I guess we’re still negotiating the terms of this deal. I’ve got my Jewish lawyers working on it.