Hey, Rocket Putz

September 24, 2017

Isn’t it outrageous that you’re so fat and most of your people are starving? What’s with that?

Also, taking a page from the movie Dunkirk, I’m authorizing all Americans—all those small boats out there—to take you out. I’m pledging a billion dollars of federal money and another alleged billion of my money—yeah, right—to your personal destruction. Team that succeeds gets $200 million. The name of the program: Operation Slow Death.

This is how capitalism works, you moron! You promise people money and they do sht. You don’t even have to really pay them. It’s an amazing system.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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