July 22, 2016
Did you see the speech? Of course, you did. It was long, it was big and it was delivered by a man who is big in every way, that I can tell you.
So you thought it was one long hissy fit? Yes! I am hissy! And I am fit! Fit to play 36 holes of golf and fit to lead this nation, even though as the New York Times Magazine reports that Don Jr., in discussing the vice presidency in May with a Kasich representative, offered to give the Ohio governor total control of domestic and foreign policy. And what would I be in charge of?
Making America great again.
Yes, I am portraying myself as an enemy of outsourcing, but that’s what I’d do with the presidency. Because I am smart enough to know I would hate the job. But boy do I want it. Because I am now so well known that becoming president is the only thing that would make me more famous. I have backed myself into a corner. I don’t want the job but I need to win to help my brand.
And you think your life is confusing? As Ivanka said in her intro, I have “sacrificed greatly” in pursuing the presidency.
As Jon Voight said in the video, “He will be honest with the American people.” Are you not going to believe Jon Voight, father of Angelina Jolie, that former piece of ass, now reduced to rubble like our nation? She is a 4. Our nation is a 1.
I will make us a 10 again.
Are you going to believe the facts—that the crime rate under President Obama is lower than under any recent president and that fewer police officers have been killed per year under President Obama than under any president—or are you going to believe me?
Oh, never mind.
Just remember, I am your voice. I am your strength. I am your testicles.
Willie Geist said on Morning Joe today that my entrance right at the end of Ted Cruz’s speech was just like something out of professional wrestling. Yes! He got it. We planned the whole thing! We put the villain on the stage and then I came in to save the day. Anyone who can plan that deserves to be president.
Of the WWE, at least.