Bombs Away


July 23, 2016

So Baby DonDon has an idea. You remember back in 1978 when Ross Perot launched a raid to rescue two EDS employees held in an Iranian prison? Some facts are disputed, but everyone knows the successful raid helped Perot politically. Bigly.

Given that my brand is strength, I asked Paulie Walnuts if I could launch a bombing mission next week against ISIS. We would use Tomahawk cruise missiles and JDAM missiles or even small nukes if we can get them. And all the missions would take place during the Democratic convention and the news would be so huge that even Rachel Maddow at MSNBC would cut away from Crooked Hillary’s acceptance speech to talk about what I had done. Talk about counter programming!

Just imagine, the Democrats will be singing “Kumbaya” and saying how they’ll nice-guy their way through every issue while I, Baby DonDon, will be bombing the holy crap out of ISIS. And we’ll shoot footage of the Trump air force doing its work. Can you envision the ads we’ll be able to run? “If Trump can do this as a private citizen, just think of what he’ll do as president!” Voters will just lap this up.

Paulie Walnuts said this is thinking so far outside the box that they might have to create a new Nobel Prize category to honor me. (Wow. I love it when my underlings talk that way.) He gave the raid his blessing. I just hope and pray there’s a terrorist attack during the Democratic convention. I asked Paulie Walnuts if we could finance one, but he said that was risky. Absolutely brilliant, but risky.

So we’ll just do the bombing. Stay tuned.

The following two tabs change content below.
Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

Latest posts by Andrew Feinberg (see all)