Et tu, Beauregard?

June 6, 2017

Super Baby DonDon has been royally steamed for weeks because my attorney general, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions XXII, recused himself from the Russia probe. Imagine, one of my crew doing something superficially ethical. That is an outrage!! I will not stand for it.

And this from old Pruneface, of all people. I extended my hand of friendship to the old overseer and he swatted it away. Ingrate!

So we’re going to need a new AG. Oh, worshippers of Super Baby DonDon, do you know anyone who shares Jeff’s retrograde views but would swear undying loyalty to me?

What? No one comes to mind? You know, you idiots, how hard it is to run a government when we can’t even find men’s room attendants willing to work for my White House? There are so many people I want to fire—but I can’t do that when I seem to have lost the power to hire.

And as Thursday’s testimony looms, I’m starting to wonder if the pink slip I gave Jim Comey—the one once worn by J. Edgar Hoover—isn’t going to come back to bite me in the ass. That does it. I’m calling Comey. Going to offer him the AG job. Am I unpredictable or what?

You still da man, Baby DonDon, you still da man.

The following two tabs change content below.
Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

Latest posts by Andrew Feinberg (see all)