Drop Your Pence


October 5, 2016

Folks, did you see the VP debate last night? Wake up, people, wake up.

Actually, it wasn’t quite the snooze fest I envisioned. For most of the debate I was happy with the performance of Mike “He Never Said That” Pennsylvania. Of course, there was an awkward moment when Mike was trashing the Clinton/Kaine campaign as being insult-driven while I was banging out insults on Twitter, but stuff like that happens. Dickhead.

Eventually, though, it dawned on me that Mike was making me look bad. He projected strength without acting batshit crazy. You can do that?

And while seeming to defend me, Mike didn’t actually defend me at all. He was thinking more about his political future than about mine. He threw me under the bus. No one does that to Baby DonDon and lives to tell about it. Hey, Mike, there’s a Greyhound with your name on it coming around the corner.

Then there’s Senator Kelly Ayotte of New Hampshire, a lovely state with green meadows unblemished by people of color. During a debate on Monday, she said I was “absolutely” a role model for children. (“Hi kiddies!) Then yesterday she said she “misspoke” and that I’m no more a role model than Crooked Hillary. (Bye kiddies.)

Re nuclear proliferation: I need another nuke to use on Kelly Ayotte and New Hampshire. And there’s no debate about that.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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