Dis Information You Won’t Believe


August 29, 2016

Dis is big, so listen up. I know this is hard to believe, but there I was, FaceTiming topless with my topless friend Vlad, and I said today’s New York End Times says Russia spreads weaponized disinformation all over the world to further its interests.

“True,” Vlad said.

“Lies?” I said. “Vlad, that’s kinda what I do with my campaign. No wonder you think I’m a genius. And I think you’re a genius. I think you’re going to be my favorite topless male friend. Can we get dressed now?”

We got so chummy that I tried to hire Vlad as a campaign consultant.

“Six billion dollars,” Vlad said.

So then Baby DonDon started negotiating. I’ve got him down to $5.9375 billion with NO CAR AND DRIVER so this may never happen, but we’ll see.

Today’s flap is about race–again. I just tapped Sid Miller, the Texas Agriculture Commissioner, to be co-chairman of my agriculture advisory team, otherwise known as the manure shovelers. So Sid puts up a Facebook post saying the Civil War was about free speech. He’s pissed that some people in Congress want to remove some Confederate flags from VA offices. He seems to think the Civil War had nothing to do with slavery.

This is a tricky issue for Baby DonDon. A lot of my supporters love their Confederate flags. Steve Bannon and Breitbart love them.

But most of my potential supporters don’t like the flags at all. What to do?

Showing true leadership, Baby DonDon will split the difference and like the flag some of the time–depending on my audience. In Detroit, I’ll say the flag is just terrible and I’ll be more against it than Abe Lincoln, In Mississippi, I’ll say, “Hey, nice Stars and Bars, Bubba, you rock!”

This will be a true test of my ability to follow a 180 with a 180 day after day, but I think I can do it. To quote F. Scott Fitzgerald, one of the many authors I have never read: “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.”

Doesn’t it sound like Fitzgerald knew Baby DonDon? I think if he met me he would call me The Great Trumpsky. And we could have some nice topless conversations.

As long as I don’t have to read any of his books.



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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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