January 13, 2017
Let’s hear it for Jim Comey! They’re going to investigate this guy? How unfair. Just because when he should go left he swerves right. He’s an outstanding public swervant, a dedicated swervant. No one did more to elect His Exalted Super Baby DonDon and I honor him for that great achievement. If any of the great white men I have nominated for Cabinet posts are turned down—and, Congress, you really don’t want to do that because I could always substitute Rudy “I’ll Take Any Job” Giuliani—I will immediately put Jim Comey’s name up as a replacement.
He has a lot to recommend him. First, he is very tall. Second, he really messed up Hillary. Third, unlike my nominee Rick Perry whose incompetence can only be presumed, he has demonstrated total incompetence as FBI director. We KNOW he can mess up any job we give him. Fourth, like His Exalted Super Baby DonDon, his belief in a double standard is complete (Comey Rule: do not mention investigation into Trump ties with Russia but attack Hillary over meaningless cache of Anthony “Want to See My” Weiner emails) and virtually treasonous.
But, His Exalted Super Baby DonDon, who could possibly replace Jim Comey at the FBI?
Rudy “I Finally Got Another Job” Giuliani!
Absolute power is absolutely cool. You should try it.