Why I Said What I Said

Classified Intel

May 16, 2017

Oh, get a life you dickturnips! I can disclose whatever I want to the Russians. I can show them anything I want.

Here’s how it happened in the Oval last week:

I said America makes the best vodka.

Lavrov and Kislyak spit on the rug.

I said I get the best intel.

They said Putin’s is better.

I said I get the most intel.

They said Putin gets more. They spit on the rug again.

I felt they were dissing America. They were insulting you! So I dropped trou and showed them my manhood.

Putin’s got a bigger salami, they said.

Oh, Super Baby DonDon was so enraged! So that’s when I had to give them an example of how good our intel was, telling them the stuff I wasn’t supposed to say but I had to say something and that’s the first freakin’ thing I thought of.

You would have done exactly the same thing. After you pulled up your pants.

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Andrew Feinberg

Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.
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