July 8, 2017
So some of you mouth-breathers are upset that Ivanka sat in for me today at the G-20. Guess that means you get worried when someone other than me represents the country.
Isn’t that special.
So what was I up to? I had to leave the meeting to do something personal. Something disgusting. Involving a bathroom. And bodily fluids. And blood.
And Mike Pence.
But, Christ, it was only a meeting about Africa, an entire continent without a single nuclear weapon. Hmm, maybe I’ll change that. The country and I could make a fortune.
Have to go relieve Ivanka now before she steers the ship of state into a ditch. Or whatever.