Trump Condolences School

October 18, 2017

Too bad if it bothers some of you wimps, but I’m starting a How to Sort Of Say You’re Sorry But Not Really condolences school. Tuition: $15,000.

First rule: let the bereaved know you have an early tee time so the call will be brief. Then say, as I did to Sgt. La David T. Johnson’s widow, “He knew what was signing up for, but I guess it hurts anyway.”

It’s so important to remind people that their loved one made a really big mistake by enlisting. If you enlist, you could die. So it’s kind of dumb to enlist, no? I never enlisted and I’m not dead. So I’m smarter. People need to know the president is smarter. It makes them feel good.

So sign up for my course. You won’t be sorry.

The following two tabs change content below.
Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

Latest posts by Andrew Feinberg (see all)