October 18, 2017
Too bad if it bothers some of you wimps, but I’m starting a How to Sort Of Say You’re Sorry But Not Really condolences school. Tuition: $15,000.
First rule: let the bereaved know you have an early tee time so the call will be brief. Then say, as I did to Sgt. La David T. Johnson’s widow, “He knew what was signing up for, but I guess it hurts anyway.”
It’s so important to remind people that their loved one made a really big mistake by enlisting. If you enlist, you could die. So it’s kind of dumb to enlist, no? I never enlisted and I’m not dead. So I’m smarter. People need to know the president is smarter. It makes them feel good.
So sign up for my course. You won’t be sorry.