August 20, 2016
Another lousy hair day! When will this end?
And Christ, our system is so freakin’ rigged! Yesterday, a Federal judge recommended that sheriff Joe Arpaio of Maricopa County, Arizona—my little Joe!—be indicted for contempt because of his refusal to stop racially profiling Latinos. Jeez, that’s like indicting Sarah Palin for not making any sense. Hello?
It is so unfair.
Sheriff Joe—my little Joe!—if you are indicted, send along the prosecutor’s name and then we’ll see if he wants to proceed with the case after Mike Tyson pays him a visit. Worst case, you scare up enough votes for me and I guarantee there’s a pardon in your future.
Did you catch Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte’s I-don’t-give-a-shit apology for lying about being held up at gunpoint? That was ballsy. I love how he was pissed that the security guard drew a gun on him after he vandalized the service station. Then the guy with the gun demanded he sit down, but Ryan stands up and starts yelling. The set on you, Ryan, the set on you.
Long story short, I’ve hired Ryan. Yes, it is I, Baby DonDon, the job creator, friend of the little guy, the man with a heart as big as my Trump Tower triplex who is giving this poor, poor man a second chance.
Is that great or what? It’s okay to cheer now.
Ryan will initially concentrate on disseminating false, yet vicious, stories about Crooked Hillary. After I win, we’ll find something for him at the State Department.