The New Honesty

January 4, 2017

One of Super Baby DonDon’s greatest gifts is for honesty. Not the wimpy old honesty you may be familiar with, but the new muscular, nearly Putinesque honesty I practice daily.

I have the courage to insult groups of people—Muslims, women, reporters—almost every day. I also insult companies and sometimes entire industries. If that isn’t honest, what is?

Almost every word I utter insults people’s intelligence. If that isn’t honest, what is?

Every one of my tax proposals benefits me and my family. All the regulation changes we promote will help Carl Icahn, Wilbur Ross and other billionaire trolls who advise me. If that isn’t honest, what is?

If I divested my business interests—yeah, that’ll happen—you’d never know how much self-dealing I’m doing. You still won’t know for sure, but at least you’ll have a better idea.

If you want something from me, stay at one of my properties or help one of my businesses before I help you. What goes around comes around. To me.

Always to me.


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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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