Mad as a Cow

December 30, 2016

So Carl Paladino, the Bigot of Buffalo who was co-chair of my New York campaign, is at it again, saying he hopes President Obama will die of Mad Cow disease next year after having sex with a cow and that Michelle Obama is a man who should go live with gorillas.

Steve Bannon said the statements were supercool, but said for political reasons we had to distance ourselves from the rabid racist. So one of my spokestwerps condemned Paladino’s toxic spew, saying it made more thoughtful racists look bad.

People, we are all about thoughtful racism. Super Baby DonDon, the Birther of the Beltway, is trying to make the country safe for contemplative racists. Asswipes like Paladino are simply making our job tougher.

Why didn’t we dump Paladino before? Because the sewermouth helped get out the stupid bigot vote. So yesterday the Buffalo school board passed a resolution telling Paladino to resign from the board. Which would be fine with me.

But, people, how did this lowlife lunatic ever get on the school board in the first place? Who knows, but that he did is a very good omen for Super Baby Dondon.

Folks, we rode racism to the White House, but now we need subtler practitioners than Paladino. When you think racist thoughts—and I know you will—keep this little verse in mind:

Keep it real

Keep it sly

That’s the way

We’ll get by.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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