Louis C.K. and Pence

 November 10, 2017

Did I ever tell you about the time Louis C.K. came to the Oval?

So he waltzes in and says the C.K. in his name is the second half of the word “dick.” Then he drops trou and says, “And here’s the first half.”

“Louis, Louis, what are you doing? I’m not in prison yet.”

“I just want to whack it where Abe Lincoln did.”

“Abe did that upstairs. The first president to use the Oval Office was Taft.”

“Could he even see his dick? Anyway, I want to do it where you do.”

“I have five Russian women come in every afternoon to help me.”

“Ooh, where are they?”

“Right now, they’re with Pence.”

“With Pence?”

“Horniest bastard I’ve ever seen. He says he can’t be alone with one woman, but with five he feels different.”

“So Super Baby DonDon, I see a lovely plant over there. Mind if I do a Weinstein?”

“Sure. McConnell did.”

“Mitch McConnell?”

“Yeah, old Turtle Face.”

“Christ, that was a real buzzkill, Mr. Super Baby DonDon. I think I’ll zip up now.”

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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