Greatest Outrage Ever!


October 25, 2016

OMG, this could be the greatest outrage ever!! At Politico, Roger Simon wrote that the freaky sound you hear “is just the air rushing out of Donald Trump’s balloon. A balloon filled with hot air usually rises. But when you have a giant baby sitting on top of that balloon, kicking his legs while he blubbers about how life is rigged against him, that bag and that candidate are heading nowhere.”

He called Baby DonDon a giant baby! That’s so horrible, so cruel and so wrong. Am not a baby, am not, am not. You da baby, you da baby. And a puppet too, a puppet of the awful “thieves and crooks” mainstream media.

Then Simon, that loathsome scumpuppet, called Rudy Giuliani “a man so venomous that rattlesnakes have been known to grow ill after biting him.” To make fun of the mentally ill like that, that is so cold. Rudy is so clearly disabled. Who mocks the disabled?

And Simon was rude enough to quote what “President” Obama said on Sunday in Nevada. “Progress is on the ballot. Civility is on the ballot. Tolerance is on the ballot. Justice is on the ballot. Equality is on the ballot. Democracy is on the ballot.”

Hey, Baby DonDon is for some of that shit too, so how come I get no credit? I’ve got enough civility to ram it up your ass and still have a ton left.

As the crooked polls and indignities continued to pile up, there was this godawful item in yesterday’s New York End-Times. They said the lobby mats at three of my buildings on the Upper West Side are being replaced with ones that don’t have the “Trump” name. Ditto the staff uniforms. And now the tenants are circulating a petition to have Baby DonDon’s name removed from the front of the buildings. Ingrates! Lowlifes! I will move homeless people into your buildings and have them piss on your shoes and crap on your children. Then I will nuke the buildings! I can do that! My supporters will see it as a sign of strength.

Well, now for some good news—at last. Yesterday Breitbart ran a photo of sock puppet Paul Ryan next to the words, “I’m With Her.” They figured out Ryan is a Hillary mole! I knew it, I just knew it.

And did you catch my now nightly Facebook TV show last night? It is almost as good as The Apprentice and at least twice as good as anything on North Korean TV, which is really where we went for inspiration. Politico said we had 60,000 viewers, but that half left after the first 30 minutes. I’m sure they went to buy weapons to help with their poll-watching.

Weaponized poll-watching is such an important element of democracy. It promotes civility like nobody’s business.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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