June 28, 2017
So yesterday, a few hours after Sarah Huckabee Shuckabee basically said that the Super Baby DonDon White House never lies, the Washington Post came out with a story about fake news.
Yes, yes, yes!! Oh, the story said I did the fake news? Oopsie.
Apparently, some of my adoring employees created a fake 2009 Time magazine cover with a beautiful orange face on it and we hung it up at four of my golf clubs and at Mar-a-Lago. (One tipoff that it was fake was a subhead on the cover: “Trump Member Said to Be ‘Ginormous,’ Anonymous Sources Say.”)
Before I went into politics, I had appeared on precisely one Time cover. But that didn’t stop me from speculating recently that I had been on more Time covers than anyone. Turns out I’ve been on 11 covers, but Nixon was on the cover 55 times. (Hey, pretty close for government work.)
That’s ironic since we both have Dick as part of our names. He is Tricky Dick and my Secret Service nickname is Dickwad. But there the similarities end. Tricky Dick resigned in disgrace. I will resign in triumph!
And, one way or another, Time will put me on the cover.