Factually Starved?

May 11, 2017

In today’s Washington Post (hey, owner Jeff Bezos, there’s a $1 trillion tax bill in your future—just sayin’) there is a new horrible article saying many of my tweets are “factually starved.” Starved? Starved? Have you looked at my stomach lately? It’s growing faster than my family’s assets under our “blind” trust. (The family made $347 yesterday. Ka-ching.) Christ, with the stomach I’ve got I haven’t been able to see my dick in two months. Not that I’d do much with it if I could find it.

Facts? Facts? I ingest then morning, noon and night. I am full of facts.

Of course, I crap facts too, so there are times—usually the early morning—when my supply is low.

Well, it’s early morning here so I want to try something on you: I fired FBI Director Comey because he was mean to Crooked Hillary.

No? Not even close? Well, Super Baby DonDon did just take the most stupendous dump in the history of mankind, so I guess that explains it.

Last thing: any of you guys out there want to be head of the FBI?

The following two tabs change content below.
Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

Latest posts by Andrew Feinberg (see all)