May 11, 2017
In today’s Washington Post (hey, owner Jeff Bezos, there’s a $1 trillion tax bill in your future—just sayin’) there is a new horrible article saying many of my tweets are “factually starved.” Starved? Starved? Have you looked at my stomach lately? It’s growing faster than my family’s assets under our “blind” trust. (The family made $347 yesterday. Ka-ching.) Christ, with the stomach I’ve got I haven’t been able to see my dick in two months. Not that I’d do much with it if I could find it.
Facts? Facts? I ingest then morning, noon and night. I am full of facts.
Of course, I crap facts too, so there are times—usually the early morning—when my supply is low.
Well, it’s early morning here so I want to try something on you: I fired FBI Director Comey because he was mean to Crooked Hillary.
No? Not even close? Well, Super Baby DonDon did just take the most stupendous dump in the history of mankind, so I guess that explains it.
Last thing: any of you guys out there want to be head of the FBI?