March 4, 2018
Oh, little people, this is such a sad time for Super Baby DonDon. Hope Hicks left me. John Kelly is getting rid of Jared and Ivanka. Then I’ll have to get rid of John Kelly. And old Beauregard “Who Took My Sheet with the Neat Eyeholes?” Sessions, he’s obviously a goner too. My commerce secretary, Old Wilbur, is falling asleep all the time and drooling all over himself. Disgusting. Folks, I did the tariffs just to wake him up. We’ll be sending him to the home soon.
Unfortunately, no one wants to replace these people.
If you support my batshit policies, please come work in my administration. Please!
First come, first served. Would you like to be attorney general? How about chief of staff? Would you like to create peace in the Middle East?
Want to be first lady?